Is this a little like you?
I was talking to one of my (awesome) clients yesterday and her story may be similar to yours…
This woman is a go-giver to so many others. She’s selfless and kind, she leads by example, she helps SO many in her circle.
But when it comes to self care, the kindness stops.
She’s incredibly hard on herself and has a loop of negative self talk reminding her of all her short comings:
- her weight loss (6 lbs in 2 weeks) isn’t fast enough
- she’s not beautiful enough
- she’s not fit enough
- she’s not (fill in the blank) enough….
This makes me so sad because I feel it’s her mindset that’s holding her back.
SHE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH – of everything, (but my telling her has no value until she takes that message and runs with it).
She asked for some advice, so I made three suggestions…
1. Be kind…
First, I asked her if she would talk to her friends the way that she speaks to herself. Of course she said she’d never be that mean.
I suggested getting into the habit of keeping her self talk positive. It’s a bad habit to ‘self bash’. It’s insidiously damaging – just slowly eroding you from the inside.
So, like any habit, self talk can be changed. Being kind to yourself with your words can be a game changer where self image and confidence are concerned.
2. Write it down…
Next, I suggested she start a journal highlighting the personal ‘wins’ each day. This would help her focus on all the ways she’s a rock star and records each small steps she’s taking to meet her goals.
Lasting transformation isn’t a BIG change all at once, it’s the every day small, seemingly inconsequential boring choices made day in and day out:
- Should I workout today or sit and read a magazine?
- Should I prepare my lunch for tomorrow or just wing it?
- Bread on my burger or lettuce wrap?
- Should I go for ice cream at night or have a herbal tea?
Every time a choice to support goals is made, it’s a WIN, but often we don’t give ourselves credit for this.
Reflecting on the ‘wins’ is a pat on the back. One win leads to another and things get easier. We can’t forget to celebrate the small stuff, (cuz it’s actually ALL just small decisions you need to win where weight loss is concerned).
3. Close the loop…
The last thing I focused on was her comment that she often feels like ‘poor me’, I can’t have this or do that…(eg. I can’t have dessert, I can’t have a beer on the patio…). I reminded her that she CAN do anything she wants, but her actions need to support her goals.
I suggested that whenever she starts thinking something like ‘I can’t have drinks on the patio’, it’s best to follow that thought process through, close the loop and discover what drinks on the patio really mean:
- More calories
- Likely more food eaten
- Less quality sleep due to the alcohol/calories
- Not feeling 100% the next day
- Possibly missing her workout…
Ultimately drinks on the patio lead her on a path further away from her goals. She may have just felt deprived if she didn’t do the mental exercise of closing the loop….
We left our little conversation each feeling more empowered with these three action steps.
And hey, don’t kid yourself – I can fall into the same bad habits that you may experience from time to time too.
We’re all in the process of becoming a better version of ourselves.
What I LOVE about women is that we can lean on each other along the way.
Here are 10 things that women should know (I can’t take credit for writing this, but it’s worth sharing!)
Read it and BELIEVE IT =)